It’s been awhile hasn’t it?! I didn’t forget ya! Sort of lost track of writing the past couple of weeks. As you may have read from an earlier post, the specialist from London highly recommended that I stop taking the Tramadol I’ve relied on for years for my chronic pain and instead replace them with more muscle relaxers which in my case makes a lot of sense because I’m going through a long phase (since like… December 2012ish?) where my major muscles groups are cramping all day long and the back pain is almost like a secondary pain now (could it be my core muscles are starting to develop?! Probably but I can’t see the proof on my stomach yet!).
So one Friday afternoon a couple of weeks ago I thought about the week ahead and that I had nothing major to do and my medication review was coming up so I’d better bite the bullet and use the free week for when the withdrawal symptoms became unbearable. The couple of weeks leading up to this I tapered down to about 100 – 150 mg a day, which isn’t too bad. The first couple of days I made sure to keep busy with some decluttering tasks around the house, determined to make it through the withdrawal like a champion (you know I have to try to be the best at everything!). I had some uncomfortable feelings, like my skin was crawling. The third and fourth days were probably the worst, my muscles were so tense I wanted to cut my limbs off and had thoughts of suicide every time I let my mind wander. Yah it was harsh. Luckily I had weed. 🙂 I took about 7-8 puffs over a 3 day period, just when the pain was unbearable. It really helped me drift off to sleep on those hard days.
I was so cranky too! Mrs. Thatcher passed away which made me a bit sad and then people were totally slamming her on Facebook and I was like, ‘whatever you losers!’ I never usually have negative things to say on social media because I believe most of the time, it’s a waste of time but I let loose this time. It was like I was drunk, except I was sober. I stand by my post though.
So eventually I woke up the next Friday morning feeling super cool! Like 1-2 on the pain scale, I felt energetic and clear minded, awesome! I made plans to do some stuff with my friend but then they didn’t turn up until the evening, with booze, and we ended up having an impromptu house party! I got so drunk and paid dearly for the next two days but it was totally worth it. I miss those kind of nights with my buddies. Awww 🙂
This week has been kind of unusual for me. When I do have pain now, it’s not numbed down. My body receives crystal clear pain signals and it makes me panic. So I’m getting my pain management ‘toolbox’ organised so I don’t have to actually think about what to do next, but it’s still in the works. I just find it very hard to think when I’m in pain.
Weed, as of now, is not the alternative that I’d hoped it would be. Turns out even with half a puff, I’m still not lucid enough to go on my daily business of house and work tasks. Sometimes the high will wear off in about an hour and then I can think clearly for another two hours with pain relief, that’s what I want to have happen every time. However it’s just way inconsistent, such as on Tuesday I had to prepare the house for the floor fitter to come over the next day which really hurt my back and I really wanted to go to this new aerobic dance class called Booiaka. So I had one puff around 6pm. I felt really stoned but got ready and figured it would wear off by the time the class started at 7pm. It didn’t! Oh and everyone always gravitates to the back or sides of the class and I hate being squished so as usual I took front center. I don’t usually care but by the middle of the class I was actively thinking about when the high would stop and every time I had that thought, I would lose focus of the dance and mess up. It was crazy! I was giggling inside and outside sometimes! Aww man… I got home, had severe munchies (oh yah, that’s the other side effect of weed that is so weird! I mean, I’m trying to get physically fit and my medicinal marijuana is making me eat without even thinking!!! It’s like my hand and mouth are in a parallel reality that I have no control over (*giggles*)). Once I had come down from my high and figured I was annoying Charlie (paranoia mode, that’s the funny side effect because I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or not!) I gave up and fell asleep around 10pm listening to reality TV.
The other thing that’s concerning me since the withdrawal ended is my sleep patterns. I usually suffer from irregular sleep patterns and insomnia (there is a difference) but have got it under control for the last 4-5 months which is a miracle. Now I’ve been waking up early, like 5-6am, very refreshed even though I know I haven’t had enough sleep. I doze back off eventually but then get up when Charlie leaves for work and just feel so sleepy all day. I’ve fallen back to sleep twice this week until almost noon and then of course I have trouble falling to sleep at night and it’s a vicious circle! It’s not out of hand yet, but I feel sleepless nights are right around the corner and I don’t want to go back there again! I want to be awake and productive!!!
I’m not sure what I’m doing about this yet. I have a medication review, tomorrow hopefully if I wake up with the willpower to make the appointment and get myself out the door, so I’m going to speak with my doctor and see what he says. Of course it’s the NHS, so I find if I have the worst expectations then I’m usually pleasantly surprised. That is being positive, right?
So yah that about covers the last couple of weeks. My next … oh wait! I forgot to tell you guys that I’m transitioning into being a proper Vegan! It’s super interesting. First thing that’s gone from my diet is straight milk and eggs. The eggs wasn’t hard because actually I’ve been kind of repulsed for years but definitely majorly the last 6 months. I guess that means I went off eggs about 6 months ago. Hmm. Ok but the progress is in the milk! I’m no longer drinking dairy milk. 🙂 I tried a soy milk which tasted like water that had sex with rocks (very minerally), if it was the only alternative I could have eventually coped, for the animals. Luckily there is coconut and almond milks! The sweetened almond milk was a little too creamy and sweet for me, plus my cookies wouldn’t absorb the milk but I’ve heard great benefits about it. The coconut milk rocks! I love it, almost as much as dairy, it’s sooooo yummeey!!! Then I had the brilliant idea of mixing one carton of coconut with one carton of unsweetened almond and it’s perfect plus I still get the benefits of the almond milk. Except that I don’t drink a lot of milk unless I have cookies. This week I didn’t have any cookies though because I’m trying to cut down and forgot to put them on the shopping list. So last night I drank it to find it had gotten a bit sour, so that was about £6 ($10) down the drain. Oops. Learning curve (Charlie!). So now I’m going to stick with one carton of coconut milk a week and less cookies because my doctor says getting hypoglycemic is not going to help my pain levels. Life changes.
Now my mission is to find a healthy cookie that absorbs my coconut milk and leaves me feeling euphoric so I can sleep better. My first experiment shall take place this weekend when I mix bananas and oatmeal together, with a sprinkling of NATURAL sugar (well it is healthier! I’ll tell you why later, promise!) and cinnamon. I’ll let you know how it turns out!
Big sexy kisses!!! XXX
Edit: Went to sleep at 1am last night, woke up at 6am for awhile and went back to sleep until 9:30am. I feel refreshed and awake so it’s all good! Didn’t wake up in time to ring the clinic for an appointment so will have to wait until Monday!