Today: Painful

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Today I finalised my act for my burlesque audition and turned the back of my bra top into a tie closure instead of hook and loops. I got up early because the plumber was supposed to be here to fix the hot water but then he cancelled. I walked into a doorway because I was dizzy from getting up and hurt my shoulder. Practised my fan dance about 4-6 times in the late afternoon and by the time I got my hair and makeup done at 6pm – I was DONE. My body was screaming at me sharply, all over. Then I found out that the producer decided she wants videos and will choose who to audition in January which is fine, but I just wish I knew that days ago instead of an hour before class so I wouldn’t have put myself under so much pressure for everything to be perfect. That made me a little cranky but after some thought I realised that I was mostly pissed off at my pain level and the fact that, in normal terms, I’d had a pretty low activity day but I was so incapacitated by the end of it that I just wanted to die. Urgh! So frustrating that my body won’t go as far as I need it to go.

So I stayed home tonight, decided to give my body the rest it needs and I’ll record my video next week. I took all my medications to the max, tripled dosed on my Tramadol followed by a large glass of Shiraz which sent me into a sort of numbness. My face was even tingling which was a strange feeling. Of course I got very sleepy and was seriously grumpy about having to stop my life because of my body. This is just one of the things I’m still trying to get used to, but I’m not doing it very well because it just frustrates me so much.

Going to watch Resident Evil: Retribution with Charlie and lay on my heating pad. Could be worse, and I love that Charlie is always here for me but jeez… my body sucks. 😦

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